Over the last year I have been on a journey of self discovery and learning. It is a journey that I wish I had 20 years ago but I am glad I am on it now. It’s not just a journey of self reflection and understanding, although there has been a fair bit of that. It’s a journey of body, spirit and persona, or if you want to be real about it, health, beauty, inner demons, personality flaws, and psychological damage. There are so many ways in so many areas that I will cover in detail later, but for now here are a few highlights.

In my health journey, last year I was diagnosed with ADHD, not super rare or special but a game changer for me. Something as simple as understanding my brain and why I have felt like a failure in life is surprisingly freeing. Not everyone chooses meds to help, but I am glad I did. being granted the ability to choose my focus is a God send. Do I always use it productively? Naw, but now it’s a choice. It’s all about the little things. It does make me wonder how much different my life would have been had I known about it growing up?

In beauty I decided to go back to the hair color of my youth, blonde. It’s funny because most of my friends didn’t know me then. (shout out to my two besties from then and the exceptions) One might call it a step in maturity now that I’m growing out my hair and it’s not dyed some fun color(s). But for me, thanks to my awesome hairdresser, it has been a long lesson is how to actually take care of my hair, something I didn’t realize how wrong I was about and bleaching really highlighted it. Who knew there was a reason for all the different types of shampoo? I didn’t. I am very grateful to Natalie who has slowly been showing me how soft and awesomely beautiful my hair can and should be. There is a lot too it and I’m still a total noob but it’s a journey and I’m learning.

On the writing front my first novel has been ever pushing forward. I finally got a draft that was complete enough for my best friend and most trusted adviser to rip apart. And rip it she did, but she did it with such kindness and far more grace that it deserved, and I am incredibly thankful to her for making my book all that much better. Still writing is new for me and slow going, but this coming year I hope to make good strides and leave the year will a book I can be proud of, and hopefully the crappy version of the next book. Writing a book has taught me a lot, and not just about story telling. research is real, and it’s funny what you end up looking into. That aside it’s a real lesson in focus and discipline which I am about 30 years rusty on, but am finally able to progress.

Finally the last major development was the realization of how toxic my upbringing was. It helped me realize a lot of relationship and personal problems I have now. Still working out what I will do with that information but for now just realizing it helps. More on that later.

It’s interesting looking back and seeing how far I’ve come because if I’ve learned nothing else, there’s a lot I don’t know and a long ass journey ahead of me. This blog is part of that journey forward. It’s nothing fancy just a step towards opening up and being honest. Also I hope some of my lessons help others fast track their journey, for as easy as it is to think I missed out on some important education that all the other girls and boys got, the reality is we all did. I’m not alone in having no clue how to care for my hair or put on makeup without looking like a clown. Better late than never.